I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
