Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
