make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
