Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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