Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
