TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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