Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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