Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
