He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
