Got a toothbrush?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
why is half of my head shaved?
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