Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
