I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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