just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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