I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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