so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
