I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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