I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
