She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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