Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
