when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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