Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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