Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
