No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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