all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
