Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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