You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
