all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She needs sedatives and a leash
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
