I didn't shave. On purpose
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
