Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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