I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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