and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
