Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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