Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
