On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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