we made out on top of his cat.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
