Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
