The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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