If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
