like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
