i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
