I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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