Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
