Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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