I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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