this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
