I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
