if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
