doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
