How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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