I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
