oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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