I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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