my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
