i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
