I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
